Seven Steps to Business Socializing

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Author: Palms

Ask yourself: "What do I want to happen at this event?" Knowing what you want to accomplish helps you prepare and provides meaning for being there. Go to events knowing what you want to happen, whether it's to rub elbows, learn scuttlebutt or plea for a pet project.

Find out beforehand who'll be there. When our finance department held an open house for a retiring supervisor, I studied the organizational chart to learn the names of people I might meet. I rarely said, "If I'd only known so-and-so was going to be there."

Tell yourself, "My presence alone produces valuable results." This reduces the pressure to perform and relaxes you. Just being there is valuable.

Rarely do top executives mill around waiting for others to arrive. Take a hint from their behavior, and arrive later if there's no reason to be early. How late depends on the event and who might arrive early, which is worth considering before making your plans.

Watch your body language. As you enter a room, your body language announces your feelings. You can skulk in a room as Johnny Timid or behave as someone whose presence produces valuable results. Smile and shake hands. You may have to act more positive and confident than you feel, but you'll soon be fine.

Attendees often gather in cliques. This can strand new arrivals, who stand alone, fearing everyone is looking at them. Grab a Perrier, walk around and seek an opening in a group. Be careful to observe boundaries, and don't crowd into a group uninvited. Also drink and eat moderately.

"Work the room" by touching as many bases as you can. Let opportunities present themselves, and connect and respond to all who open up to you.

Make your presence felt in creative and kind ways. A sense of humor, smile, pat on the back, encouraging words, recognition and praise are all excellent motivational gestures, more so if done in front of others. I was much more pleased when our dean of students complimented me on my class in front of the college president.

Be ready to take the initiative when you encounter top managers. "Figure out what your message is" in advance, says Granville Toogood, a Darien, Conn., consultant who coaches employees. By knowing what you want to say, you'll come across as "smart, focused, articulate and insightful," he says.

Most people are reluctant to show their ambitions. But meeting those in power can boost your career. Make an impression in the room, if only by smiling from a distance. Show that you're competent, motivated and fit in. Look composed and dress professionally. If in doubt, dress up, not down.

It's impossible to reach the top of a major company without at least one good mentor. The executive suite is a club, and you must be invited to join by current members. Social events are gold mines for finding helpful mentors.

5. Cultivate friendships, but avoid romance.

Friendships happen naturally and organically as part of working together. If I could choose, my best friend would be my boss, the person who has tremendous impact over my job assignments, raises and career development. As for romance, "I don't recommend it to anyone, even though I met my husband that way, and we're quite happy," one of my elder students says. She cites office gossip, the need for secrecy and pressure on the relationship because it developed in the office as likely obstacles.

Know when you want to leave and tell your host. When the time comes, feel confident that your departure is expected. Stay only as long as you're relatively comfortable.

Be clear in your goodbyes, and know that leaving is fine. Smile, wave or shake hands with your host, main friends and key contacts. Outside, take a deep breath and say to yourself, "That went well."

Phone or send a thank-you note after an event if it seems appropriate. Forced gestures are usually ineffective.

One of the joys of socializing is the people you meet. It's fun to encounter someone from the computer center whom you met at the retirement party.

In rare, but real, cases, you'll form true bonds, gain mentors and help protégés. This makes socializing worthwhile. People want to help those they like and respect. But they can't start liking you if you don't give them a chance to know you. Here's where socializing comes in.

At a time when teamwork, communication and human understanding are highly prized, having contacts means power and promotability, whether it's with the likes of J. Paul Getty or a clerk in the mailroom. Socializing well will help you make these key contacts.