Stay Connected With Others Throughout Your Job Search

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Author: Palms

Prior to losing a job, you probably spent more time with your colleagues at work than you did with your family. Now, it may seem you no longer exist to them. These feelings often are compounded by other staggering losses, including your daily structure, source of income and prestige.

Many job seekers reinforce their sense of loneliness by unintentionally cutting themselves off from others. This is partly due to shame and sadness and partly because they don't know how others can help (or even how to ask for help).

But you don't have to -- and, indeed, shouldn't -- be alone during your job search. Even if you want to retreat to lick your wounds, try to fight this urge. Being in the company of others and having their support will help you maintain your emotional strength during a prolonged search. If you cut yourself off from them to tough it out alone, you'll only make things harder and more unpleasant for yourself.

To stay connected with others throughout your job search, the following techniques may be helpful:

1. Network actively.

Most candidates are familiar with the concept of networking, which is the process of talking with others and requesting referrals to people who might be able to help them find new positions. Seeking out people you know to ask for introductions to people you don't know is a proven method of shortening a job search. Eventually, you'll meet someone who'll lead you to a contact who'll offer you a new job.

Yet finding new employment is just one goal of networking. Just as important is meeting and talking with others. By asking for help, you'll receive the psychological support necessary to persevere in your job search.

Nevertheless, many job seekers shy away from this technique because of shame or embarrassment. If you're nervous about networking, start with people who know you well. They'll listen sympathetically and provide candid feedback about how you present yourself, something a stranger probably won't do. Once you iron out your kinks, you'll be ready to progress to information interviews with people you don't know as well.

"I had a lot of trepidation about networking at first," says an advertising director who lost her job at a financial services company in New York. "Luckily, I had a very supportive system of friends and family already in place, so that's where I began -- with the friendly faces who knew me already."

When meeting with friends, you also can afford to make errors that you couldn't at a more critical juncture of your search. But don't rely only on friends and family for support. It's unfair to expect any one of them, particularly your spouse, to be your only counselor and "therapist," says Cynthia Blumenthal, a vice president with Manchester Partners, a Philadelphia-based outplacement firm. Your spouse may become overwhelmed and tensions may develop in your relationship if you spend too much time discussing your search.

Your goal should be to continually expand your network to include fellow job hunters, colleagues in professional organizations, social contacts and people you meet while running errands or shopping.

"I've been extremely fortunate never to be alone," says a former controller for a telecommunications company in Port Jefferson, N.Y. "People have been generous to me for reasons I don't even understand."

To meet people, job hunters must make an effort, he adds. "You have to get out there or it won't happen. I've worked diligently every day to meet more people and expand my network, and I've been the beneficiary of many random acts of kindness and senseless beauty. I'm only sorry I didn't do more networking while still employed. As [author] Harvey MacKay says, 'You've got to dig your well before you're thirsty.' "

2. Continue to socialize.

It's natural for job hunters to feel so discouraged and depressed that they don't want to see anyone. However, participating in social activities can help you feel closer to others and combat feelings of sadness. You also may make valuable job-search connections.

"One candidate, a rather shy systems analyst, made a key contact at a wedding he attended," says Joe Duffy, senior partner of The Duffy Group, a career counseling firm in Plainview, N.Y. "He happened to be chatting with the bartender and mentioned his job search. The bartender said his cousin worked for a company that was looking for computer professionals with the candidate's exact background. The candidate called the cousin, sent a resume and was hired within a week."

The Internet is another effective medium for networking. Job listings are posted on numerous sites, which often make resumes available to large numbers of employers. "One young man who hadn't even graduated from college put his resume on the Internet to test the market in his field," says Mr. Duffy. "He received replies from as far away as California."

3. Be open to everyone you meet.

Even a chance meeting with a stranger on a crowded street can pay off for job seekers, says James O'Connell, a psychologist and career counselor with Interim Career Consulting in New York. A former chief financial officer for a large nonprofit agency had just such an experience, says Mr. O'Connell. A religious Catholic, he was leaving the subway when he met a man who appeared to be a priest. As they talked, the stranger explained that he was a Presbyterian minister. After a few minutes, he took out a card and wrote names of contacts on the back of it. By calling these people, the CFO landed a new job with a city agency.

"Talk to everyone you can, even if they don't turn out to be exactly who you thought they were," says Mr. O'Connell.

4. Join a job-search group.

Free or low-cost job clubs sponsored by churches, community and government groups have proliferated in the past decade as downsizing has become commonplace.

When he realized that clients needed more support, Bob Simmons, a principal of Career Transition Associates, an outplacement firm in Plainview, N.Y., organized several groups that meet every two weeks. Last year, more than 40 members "graduated" when they found new jobs.

"We have employed and unemployed people at these groups," says Mr. Simmons. "Members represent all levels, and are extremely supportive of each other. In one group, a CFO making well over $100,000 helped a junior accountant get his first job at a CPA firm. He also offered to complete any club member's tax return for free."

Some group members like the club format so much that they formed a sub-group which meets in an area book store or in members' homes, says Mr. Simmons.

Career professionals often volunteer to facilitate or speak at club meetings. Mac Walker, a principal with Career Mission, a career-strategy firm in Norwalk, Conn., volunteers with Career Transition Support, a networking group sponsored by a Norwalk church. He adds that most church-sponsored job clubs are nondenominational.

"These groups are open to all, and they're a great source of support at a difficult time," he says.

Carole Burton's desire to help people feel less alone after a job loss led her to a new career. When she left her job as relocation manager at a consumer-products company in Westchester County, N.Y., she received outplacement counseling, which she found helpful. But knowing that many job seekers never receive outplacement assistance, she started a Westchester County group called The Job Seeker's Network. Ms. Burton shared with the group what she'd learned during her unemployment, gave members a forum for networking and provided job listings. This led to her present position as a career counselor at a New York-based outplacement firm.

5. Strengthen your spiritual ties.

Many job hunters say having a strong spiritual belief helps them feel less alone while unemployed. Others find their faith returns when they can accept that they're powerless over certain aspects of their situations -- such as exactly when they'll find work.

"I've been hammered into letting go; it's a matter of faith," notes a financial executive. "I believe God will provide me with something that's right for me. He's the ultimate networking contact."

A marketing professional who was laid off by a computer company in New York communed with God when things seemed darkest, says Mr. O'Connell. He believed that God wouldn't let him down. His faith persevered, and he now runs an executive search business and conducts spiritual retreats for business people.

6. Volunteer to help others.

Volunteering to help a professional organization or nonprofit group can help you feel more connected to your profession or humanity in general. When he became unemployed, a retail executive in Atlanta kept his position on the board of directors of the United Way.

"It kept me focused," he says. "It gave me a reason to put on a coat and tie and keep up my presentation skills."

His United Way post also helped him polish his marketing skills. "By marketing the United Way, I also was able to market myself better," he says. "I achieved a 60% improvement in participation, and when you're able to do that you can remind yourself you're not a bum."

The executive also maintained membership in professional organizations in the food-marketing industry. "I get to about 75% of all the meetings," he says. "My only higher priority is networking and job interviews, and some of my contacts at these meetings have led to interviews."

7. Don't view yourself as damaged goods.

More than anything else, a poor attitude will deter others from wanting to be with you. Don't view yourself as a pariah or leper unworthy of company or others will see you that way, too.

A generation ago, executives lost jobs because of performance issues or wrongdoing. Nowadays, most professionals become unemployed because of a downsizing, merger, re-engineering or other external factor not related to performance.

George Bloodworth, an Atlanta-area chemist and middle manager in his 60s, lost his job last spring. But he's maintained a positive attitude. "Make yourself available to others and don't be ashamed that you're unemployed," he says, adding that he wanted his name used in this article, since "it might help my networking."